• Leah Van Someren

Daughter of the King

You’re currently in waiting…

Anticipating your someday daughter. Not yet born and still your heart reserved a special space in expectancy. Longing for her arrival, you’ve crafted with your own hands the most intricate, exquisite, personalized tapestry. From the first moment of your own existence, you began preparations, spending what felt like eternity bringing this tapestry to life. First, the years of dreaming…mulling it over in the alcoves of your mind, fancying the endless possibilities to delight your baby girl. Your mind’s eye flickers like an old projector flashing the elation and excitement that consumes her face when she accepts your gift…joyful eagerness to take that which you present. Beaming, she leaps into your arms, snuggles up and rests in your lap…she bestows a ‘thank you’ beyond compare - acceptance, reliance and trust. 


Long after your dream’s genesis, the tapestry eventually takes shape…

Still a figment of imagination but bursting at the seams and itching to become reality. Thus the planning begins. Praying diligently and mindfully, you ask for guidance in selecting the particular scenes depicted. Mostly of cheer, some of pain necessary for growth. You count the yards and yards of thread required, listing the variety of colors — vibrant and bright with just enough dark hues, knowing the depth enhances beauty. And when each and every stitch is catalogued and accounted for, creation commences. Calling upon nimble and eager hands, you invest time and resources to sow love, saturating this physical object and transforming it into the gift a lifetime. One that sings of your anticipation, adoration and devotion to your sweet child. 


And finally, the day comes…

Your beloved daughter’s arrival is everything you hoped for and more. With one blink of her baby blues, you sell every iota of your heart real estate in full devotion. Without hesitation, you give her your manifestation of assurance — that she will forever be your daughter. As an infant, it hangs in her room shining down on her crib…a beacon of the love she was created to receive. She is yours and you are hers. Agape. 


Then the world comes a knocking...

And with world comes lies. And the lies begin to displace your daughter’s acceptance, reliance and trust with tit-for-tat ‘truth’. Until one day, you arrive to find a note…’thanks for the tapestry…I owe you.’ Heartbreak. Detachment. Estranged. Each time she comes around, she mentions how much she appreciates what you gave, followed by an outstretched hand full of crumpled bills, reassuring she’ll pay her deficit in full. You’re no longer her dad but her debt collector…her master. 


I've lived my life as that child turned plodder...

This, my friends, is God’s revelation for me. I’ve spent the majority of my 25 years and 11 months of life fostering a transactional heart, desperately performing to show the Lord I’m in someway deserving of the gift of salvation He has given me. And performance is my currency. My daily deposit of quite time, compensation by constructing the wisest prayers, working via worship. Laboring to earn my keep in God’s Kingdom. But one that strives to earn, knows nothing of a gift at all, for a gift must be freely given and freely received. You see, just like He’s done for you, the Lord hand-crafted my very own tapestry - my life - with enough shadow to highlight the beauty of growth. He delighted over every stitch in anticipation for my arrival. He sacrificed Himself byway of His son, Jesus Christ so that He may adopt all of us and we may call him Dad and find freedom in Him (Rom 8:14-17). For the first time in my life, I am realizing just how often I ‘pay’ Him for His freely given gift. How often I exchange being a daughter for a toiler, trading my Kingdom crown for filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). Truth is, I’ve been hustling for His love. 


And you know what the kicker is?!

I can’t perform better to fix it! Nope…performing better will never fix a performance complex. In fact, it will only draw you even further away from the Fathers heart. Like I just heard in a brilliant study on Romans, you’re not a child of God by acting the right way but rather from accepting The Way Himself. And guess what! That’s all He wants anyway because it highlights one of His core characteristics. For He who is perfect is also full of grace, the antithesis of performance, as my mentor said. God’s grace - true grace - isn’t measured or allotted. It isn’t a pay grade or allowance. We always need more and by God’s love, there is always more to give…grace upon grace (John 1:16).


I wish I could tie this up with a pretty bow…

To say I have it all figured out and I am ready for my next growth opportunity…but there I go again, performing — working hard to prove to God ‘I’ve worked through my wayward thinking and good news, I’m all better and ready to move on!’ But the truth is, I’m not ready yet. I am in process and that is right where the Lord says I am supposed to be. Grace is in the process and that’s His lesson for me in this season for you can only give that which you’re able to receive. The one thing I do know thus far…I am a daughter of the King. This truth has rocked my world…my heart is truly tasting it for the first time and it’s sweeter than I could have imagined. As a daughter, I'm releasing what I've known and trusted to carry me through - namely myself - and trusting Him as my dad who forever loves His children, both sons and daughters, just as He's always promised. 

**My squad just finished reading Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship by Jack Frost (he’s not just a snowman — who knew!). I can testify this book has COMPLETELY changed my relationship with the Lord and I highly, highly suggest you reading it too. Sonship/daughtership is a free gift offered to everyone…all we must do is accept it.