Why Am I Here?
Two years, almost to the day. After two years, 15 countries, hundreds of relationships and countless heart transformations, I find myself sitting in the same state, in the same neighborhood, in the same coffee shop.
“Why am I here?”
It’s a question not uncommon to my current cognition. It’s a pondering of location, physical and emotional. It’s a request for divine details surrounding my oldest and newest coordinates. It’s a big, fat question mark stamped on this place I know all too well, filled with people who give me that, “don’t I know you?” head nod, complete with awkward half smile. Leaving home isn’t easy but coming back home? Well, that’s not easy either. And even still, here I sit, familiarity all around what feels like a new, unfamiliar heart.
“God, why I am here?” I ask again, the wrinkles in a confused forehead threatening permanence.
On one hand, I chose to come back. Colorado has been home all my life and every time I leave, I am overtly delighted to return. But on the other, it feels like God plopped me here on purpose.
On purpose. I am here with a purpose and that is the answer to my question. His purpose is my why - the reason I am back in Denver. His purpose and therefore, my purpose, is the reason I am back home.
Before leaving, I worked, played and lived for myself. I wore masks so thick, I didn’t know what my real face felt like. My why orbited a good time while mitigating whatever negative emotion or situation got in the way of my shallow splashing. My why was centralized around me because without a relationship with Love, me was all I had eyes to see. But Jesus has a way of never leaving you the same. The moment I opened my heart to Him, He was faithfully waiting on the other side, itching to flood the place with light and life. And now, hand intertwined with the Vine, God’s fills me with His infinitely, overflowing Love and has sent me back to the state and people I hold so dearly with a sole purpose: to acquaint people with Love.
I am convinced, now more than ever, darkness is an opportunity for light, death is an opportunity for life and fear is an opportunity for Love. With this new belief blooming in my soul soil, I see opportunity everywhere. Darkness, death and fear only take up the space afforded to them because they simply haven’t met God yet and with His Spirit dwelling richly, He’s called me to make an introduction. Nothing fancy or formal but rather, awareness and willingness.
“All I ask is for space and time so that I may bring people Home.”
And with God’s simple, yet life altering words, reverberating in my heart, I returned but I’m not alone! I’m being joined by three others from my G42 class, along with two new roommates! Within six days of arriving, God gifted us with beautiful home in the exact location and at the insane budget we prayed for. Our joint mission: to prioritize relationships and disciple people into a Kingdom way of life by simply creating space. God’s given us a home, not only for us but for every person who walks through the door. With Christ as our head, we leave the doors of our hearts and home wide open, seeking Holy Spirit and creating a space of freedom for everyone to experience and be transformed by the manifest love of God.
Another wild update! On the day He gave us the house, God also walked me right into a job at Novo Coffee. I used to work from Novo back in my corporate days and think, “if I could just quit my job and work here, I’d be so happy.” Turns out, that desire was simply a primer. What’s even more wild is the way Novo embodies every little detail from the vision God gave me for my someday coffee shop, right down to panini pressed breakfast burritos!
God’s given me the desire to create space for people to be real. “I’m fine” falls out of our mouths faster than we know whether or not it’s actually true. I am convinced it is the outer most layer to the masks we hide behind. At the shop - and in life - God’s called me to be mask-less, being truthful and still loved, and therefore, giving others permission and encouragement to do the same.
Jesus’ love is palatable at the shop and He’s already led numerous encounters between myself, customers and coworkers. Just a couple weeks ago, a woman came in and asked the pre-programmed, “how are you?” to which I replied, “You know, I like to tell the truth when asked that question and today I am just okay.” Immediate tears. “Really? I am just okay too.” she responded, surprised by her own authenticity. In that moment, I could feel Holy Spirit give her a hug through our eyes and for that moment, she knew she could be real and still loved.
Those moments. Introductions to Love. Kingdom moments. Those are why I am here.
Here in Colorado. Here is in this coffee shop. Here in my home.
Jesus’ desire to meet every single person, simply to tell them how absurdly loved they are.
He is why I’m here.