Let us pray

Most of the time, for me, intentionally praying looks like sitting on the floor, contemplating, listening and choosing to receive Love. To yield and let Love love me.

And I was praying the other morning.

Well, no, a part of me was trying to “pray”.

She was huffing and puffing, efforting to get me into alignment with what she thinks is the “right” way to be in order to receive Love.

It’s that same part who helped me withstand the ungraceful cookie cutter edges of indoctrination. Indoctrination that says, “This is the shape. Anything outside is wrong and doesn’t belong.” She was an exquisite survivalist, learning to shapeshift with the best of them, believing, saying and doing the right things in order to “belong”.

I was thinking thoughts like:

“Okay, just receive Love.”

“Stop thinking so much.”

“Stop judging them.”

“Think about what you’re grateful for.”

“Do a breathing exercise or something!”

Frustrated and not experiencing any sort of Peace, I then heard Love’s kind voice come through — an open invitation by a familiar friend:

“If you could pray anything right now, what would it be?”

Immediately, without thinking, I said out loud: “F*ck no.”

If that surprises you reading it, imagine how surprised I was hearing it.

But that’s exactly what I said. And then I just kept saying it. Over and over and over and over again. It felt so good — physically, emotionally, spiritually.

I was let off the short leash of being the “right”’ way and just got to be, exactly where I was in that moment, Loved fully.

And let me tell you, my prayers that came after were ratchet. And I allowed them to be. They named names, demanded people to be struck down—the works. And I can tell you exactly why: all my parts feel enraged at the atrocities being gleefully committed by the atrociously powerful. And they are right to feel that way. Persons — human and more than human — being crushed by hateful, narcissistic leaders drunk on power, exploitation and domination is unequivocally wrong.

Oppression is wrong and it is the very thing Love exists to reverse.

Once those parts said their peace, my being was like a glassy lake settled after a hail storm.

Then I heard, "Separate the people from the essence. Because even if every single one of those people were struck down, the spirit would still exist and it would take up its home in you.”

Well damn. That got me.

I sat for some time, parsing it out and here’s where I got:

F*ck no. No to evil. No to greed. No to domination. No to fear. No to oppression.

I then felt this emptiness. A vacuum created by a massive amount of energy removed, swiftly followed by the impulse, the call, to fill it.

Yes to being kind. Generous. Courageous. Compassionate. Wise. Stubbornly hopeful.

Yes to being Love on earth.

Love is the only thing that will move us through disorder and into reorder.

So that’s my prayer for this particular moment in time and with everything in me, I will pray it.

Photo: Nathan Dawang | IG - @nate.dawang